Disappointed in Me

I’m having a rough day … actually, I had a sucky week too!  I’m here to keep my fingers busy and writing helps me put things into perspective.  I went to the Learn to Run program Thursday evening … I didn’t realize they’d be actually running the first night – I thought it was for registering. The same with the Biggest Loser – we registered, got weighed and left to go home to do our thing.  I thought this was going to be the same – needless to say my anxiety level began to rise. I was wearing my running shoes, but also my jeans and I wasn’t prepared for the cold weather (ie. gloves, hat, sweater). I saw some people I knew, spoke to some and after we chose our ‘leader’, I left with a schedule.

When I got home, I decided to put on my jogging pants and do this on my own.  I got my Iphone and off I went … I decided to run for a minute … it was NOT easy!  My knee hurt and I was so out of breath.  I walked for a few minutes and then I decided to try again.  I only lasted 30 seconds – my legs just would not carry me.  They were like jello and my knee felt like there was a baseball inside it. I walked for another while and tried again … 45 seconds … that’s how long I lasted.  I did a few more 30 second rounds and was finished this torture in 28.5 minutes.

When I got home, I completely hated myself.  I was embarrassed, depressed, and just felt like, “There is NO way I’m going to be able to run”.  I certainly don’t want to do it with a group of people.  I’m not even sure I want to do it alone.  The weather’s been crappy all weekend so I couldn’t even get out for a walk.  This just isn’t my weekend.  I have my doctor appointment on Tuesday and I’m hoping he’s going to tell me I shouldn’t run.  I’m not sure if I’m going to try again tomorrow – I might.  It certainly would be a plus if the weather cooperated.

So, that kind of set the tone for the rest of the week.  I got into the chips the other night … sat in the bedroom with John’s chips binging … it’s never pretty … but they were good.  Greasy, salty and oh-my-God crunchy!  I just finished my green tea, and a pastry .. sigh … and last night, I told John if he had of brought me a bacon-cheese burger, I wouldn’t have been mad (he didn’t though).  I’m in the mood to binge, so I thought it’d be best if I opened my blog and started running my fingers across the keyboard – it’s relaxing.

I bought fat free lunch meat and cut up some vegetables for my lunch tomorrow.  I even put my fruit out.  I’m definitely going back on track tomorrow.  Actually, back on track starts now.  If I wait until tomorrow then I’m sure I’ll binge for the rest of the evening.  I’m thinking a mandarin orange for my evening snack.

I don’t know how those who run keep going … I wonder how I can increase my endurance and not feel like I’m going to die? Someone at the registration said if she could do it, anyone could.  I wish I could do this … I just don’t want to in front of people – it’s embarrassing. 

Is It Really Ever Over?

Well, I’m sitting here at work and it’s kind of slow so I thought I’d catch you all up on the final standings in the Biggest Loser Challenge. I didn’t win. I didn’t expect to, really – I was hoping, but I knew I could have worked harder but seriously, I needed to do something that I would have stuck with – attending a gym just wasn’t a realistic goal for me. It’s important to set realistic goals and exercise isn’t one of mine. It’s important to be honest with yourself – those were the problems I had the many many times I’ve tried to loose weight before – go to a gym, loose motivation, leave gym (my life). I’d try “new” things that I would never stick with. Learning to eat healthy and stay out of the fast food restaurants is something that I WILL stick with! Those are goals that I find much easier to attain. So my final weight loss total was 15.6lbs with the Challenge, but I’m actually down 18 lbs since January 1st. I’ll take it! I almost got to my 20 lb, but came up two pounds short … I can easily blame myself … but that’s okay – I’m still going to be on the loosing side of that scale. Summer is coming and I do NOT want to be struggling to fit into shorts and tshirts. I’d also like to sport a tank top now and again.

I’ll admit, I’m a little bit nervous since the competition is over and I was really scared I’d binge this week – but I held strong – I continued with my green tea in the evening and my fruit. I went for groceries last night and didn’t buy any junk food. I’m even trying new things – I bought a mango that I’m going to split with my daughter. I also bought these things from the bakery that have absolutely NOTHING in them … no salt, no sugar no fat … hardly any calories … and they taste like those corn puffs you used to eat as a kid. A girl in my class brought them the other day and let me try them … omg, they were delicious. She dipped them in peanut butter – what a great evening snack to have with my green tea.

I’m also determined to run in the Fiddler’s Run this year! I’m also hoping to be doing a work term at an office where a friend of mine works and she just informed me that her whole office runs in it and her boss told her that she’ll be doing it too! Maybe that’s a sign, or a crazy coincedence. I’m registering for the Learn to Run program at the YMCA this Thursday and then next week I have to confirm with my doctor that I can do this. The training is for 8 weeks so I’ll have to get out and do some walking and work my way up to running – I think these are realistic goals for me – they only require me to walk outside … how hard can that be?? It’s not like I have to get in the car, pay for gym membership, and drag my ass to the gym while everyone around me is 13 weeks into their weight loss journeys. The weather will be getting nicer and even if I’m not home, I can walk anywhere. If I’m camping … take a walk around the grounds … or even run. I’m getting a little bit excited for this learn to run thing – I’d like to tone up some muscles … who knows, if I get some more of this weight off, maybe a trip down south is in mine and John’s future. I’m expecting an insurance settlement soon and what a great reward for loosing weight – sure beats food rewards!

So, even though the challenge is over, I’m not finished living a healthy life – I want to continue because I have many years left of my life to live and thoroughly enjoy – I’m not getting any younger and the only one who can take care of this body is me. Will I continue writing … uh, YES! That’s a no brainer … now I have to begin writing about my journey toward running … hhmmm …let’s hope I can keep that momentum going as strongly as I did the weight loss challenge … I NEED to write … it keeps my fingers busy.

The Last Week of the Challenge

Well, this is it … the last week of the Biggest Loser Challenge … I didn’t go get weighed today because it’s not really over until Thursday at 9:30pm so I have a few days to play with.  I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately, but honestly, nothing really exciting is happening.

It was Easter weekend plus my birthday so a lot of “food” celebrations going on.  I don’t think I did too badly.  On my birthday I had asked the girls NOT to get me a cake and they respected my wishes.  We did go out for supper at Don Cherry’s Sports Bar and Grill.  I got the grilled chicken burger with cheddar cheese and bacon – I managed to get that into me and about half a dozen fries and I was full.  I saved my calories for that meal because I knew we’d be doing something for my birthday.  I worked all day so I wasn’t home picking.  When I did get home from work, I was famished.  I snacked on carrots, celery and dip until Alyssa also got home from work and then off we went.

Sunday was Easter and it was rough.  My mother usually gets me a Mr Munchy chocolate Easter bunny, but this year she got me a small one, which was perfect!  I stole a couple of chocolate Easter eggs and then we went to my sisters for supper (who, believe it or not, is also doing the challenge!).  She had a huge scoff at her place!  There was potato salad, macaroni salad, glazed ham and dessert.  Her boyfriend chopped some tomato, lettuce and cucumber and put them on the table so I snacked on cucumbers until supper was ready.  I took one scoop of potato salad, a small scoop of macaroni salad (it was the kind made with tomato based sauce rather than mayonnaise), and a few slices of baked ham.  She was cutting the turtle pie dessert and the huge piece she offered me almost made me faint!  I decided I’d cut my own piece 1/4 of the size of the one she cut me!  I just needed a taste, not send my sugar into orbit.

I felt pretty good leaving there … full, but good.  I didn’t overindulge, which was easily doable there, and I was comfortably full.  John and I drove out to his parents for a visit and she made exactly the same supper!  Her’s came with cabbage rolls and broccoli/cauliflower casserole in cheese sauce.  I didn’t have her supper, but I did have a cup of tea and a very tiny piece of ‘never fail’ cake.  She too, wanted to cut me a humungous piece so I asked her if I could cut it myself.  It was just a little something sweet to go with tea.

I got up this morning and jumped on the scale.  Much to my surprise I’m down a couple of pounds – surprisingly enough after that sugar filled weekend I just had.  I had a great day today with my diet.  I had lots of fruit, veggies and I had haddock for supper.  I skipped the broccoli/cheese rice that I made for John and just went with the piece of fish I cooked with tomatoes and a little sprinkle of Parmesan cheese.  It was rather tasty.

I also didn’t want to get weighed today because I’m a little bit stressed.  I have a presentation to do tomorrow in school and I know stress isn’t very helpful when it comes to weight loss so I figured if I waited until the stress was gone, it might also take the pounds away.  Also, I just finished my period so I should be so good to go on Thursday.  I’ll be going in the morning to get myself weighed.  I am pretty confident I didn’t win the money … but I did win a healthy life and I probably added a couple of more years to it!

It’s Going to be a Rough Last Week

Today was the 2nd last weigh-in and I didn’t do too well.  I thought for sure I’d be down a pound or two.  I FELT like I was but I didn’t think I should have been based on my food intake last week.  I mean, I didn’t eat anything that was extremely bad, but I didn’t get in all my fruit and vegetables either.  I was up .2 lbs.  When I asked her to do my math for me she told me on average I lost just over a pound a week.  Even with my gains and little weight losses, I still managed to loose a pound per week.  I was actually pleased with that.  I was hoping to loose 1-2 lbs per week because I know when I lost it like that on Weight Watchers’ many moons ago, I kept it off for over a year.

Well, when I got home I was a little bummed.  I sat at the table and did some work and then decided to pull out my food journal.  I think for these last 10 days I really need to write it all down again.  I was doing pretty good with the writing down.  When I checked back to the week where I lost 4.6 lbs I would start each day with my breakfast being written down but I didn’t keep track the rest of the day.  I think just by looking at the amount of food I was required to eat still kept me somewhat on track.

So, for tomorrow, I wrote down what I’m going to have for breakfast, snacks, and my lunch.  My day is going to be one of those on-the-go kind of days where I won’t be in school for the full day.  I have to leave at lunchtime so I’m going to miss my lunch (or eat it in the car) and my 1:15 snack.  I have an eye doctor appointment and my physio appointment.  I am determined to stay on track this week though – so I packed my lunch and I’m bringing it with me.  Tomorrow is a pay day of sorts so I’m going to also stop at a grocery store and stock up on some fruit.  I think I have enough vegetables to last me the week, but I’m running low on fruit.  I’m also low on milk products – yogurts, milk, etc so I’ll get some of that too.  After looking at my journal I’m starting to think maybe I had too many meat products this past week.

Easter is approaching –  just before our last weigh-in – that’s going to be a HUGE struggle for me!  I really hope no one gets me any chocolate.  Plus, it’s my birthday on Saturday and I really don’t want a cake either.  It’s going to be a rough one for sure.

March Break is Over – Weigh-In Tomorrow

Well, I survived March break – back to the ole routine tomorrow!  I’m kind of glad in a way because now I can get back into the swing of things with regards to my weight loss challenge.  I believe there are only a few weeks left of the competition, but it’s no longer about the money – although, it would be nice – my goal now is to loose another 15-20 lbs before summer.  If I keep loosing 1-2 lbs/week then I will achieve this goal.  Tomorrow is weigh-in and I’m feeling okay about it.  I’ve seen comments about how some people can’t wait for the Biggest Loser competition to be over so they can go indulge in some kind of fattening, fast food.  I will admit it, I’ve thought the same thing – “I can’t wait until I can have a feed of KFC”.  Then I think, “Isn’t that the reason I got like this to begin with?”  I don’t want to be that fast food junky anymore.  I want to continue to eat healthy or it could very well kill me.

I had a rough week – ate a lot of junk food so I’m not expecting much.  I tried to go on a veggie/fruit fast today – but that came to a screeching halt when John and I went for a Sunday drive and stopped at the bakery in Bras D’or.  I bought a tiny bun of wheat bread and had some when I got home.  Oh, that wasn’t the end of it – I made a one egg/one egg white omelet with mushrooms and green peppers in it.  It was delicious.  Then I had a greek yogurt, some fruit, clementines and green tea with a Special K bar.  In the evening, I enjoyed some almonds, walnuts and just a few bbq peanuts.  I wasn’t really munching on anything too bad until Ashley showed up with a huge bag full of mini-easter eggs.  They are my favorite and I have to admit, Easter isn’t my favorite holiday food-wise (well, it is, but not this year).  I could eat enough chocolate to choke a horse!

Chicken Noodle Soup

I actually made some healthy meals this week – I boiled some chicken breasts and used the water to make a chicken noodle soup.  It’s really good.  I just threw some carrots, celery, and chicken in it.  I added some noodles and yum.  Ashley’s friend was here for the week and she absolutely loved it.  With some of the other chicken I made quesadillas.  I used the flat grill and sprayed it with non-stick cooking spray.

Tomorrow, I have hamburger meat thawed in the fridge so I’ll cook up some patties and veggies for me and I’ll add potatoes to John’s.  I might even make him some french fries.  For lunch, I packed fruit, carrots, a little mini peanut butter/jam sandwich with the tiny bun I bought today.  I also packed some yogurt and a Special K bar to have with my tea.

Now, last week, I got weighed first thing in the morning and tomorrow I’ll get weighed after school so I’m not too hopeful.  Also, I weighed myself last night and it wasn’t pretty.  I was up 3 lbs since my weigh-in at the gym Monday morning.  I am only hopeful for the fact I weighed myself on a different scale and at the opposite end of the day.

March Break – non-routine eating dilemma

Today was my weekly weigh-in.  Normally I would go in the afternoon, but I’m on my March break from school and I had some running around to do so I thought I’d stop in early and do it.  I was thinking I gained a pound or two so I thought if I got weighed in the morning, at least it wouldn’t hurt that bad.  I was right.

I walked in and the gym was so busy.  There was a guy at the desk when I arrived and Shauna was making him this smoothie.  I asked if it was part of the membership and she told me yes.  I was a little bit disappointed when I heard that so I asked her if there was a price if I wanted to buy one.  It was a meal replacement shake and I didn’t have breakfast so I thought it would be perfect.  I was on my way to physio therapy for my neck and I was kind of hungry.  I left the house with only a banana and a cup of tea in my tummy.  While she began my shake I walked over to get weighed.  Much to my surprise, I was down 1.8 lbs!  I was so incredibly happy about that.  When I was done she handed me my shake and omg, it was delicious!  I decided that’s it, I need to go get myself a new blender … my hand held one just won’t do anymore.

This is going to be a rough week for the simple reason that I’m on my one week break from school.  I’m not in my regular routine so now I have to figure out how and when I’m suppose to eat in a whole different way.  I won’t be up at 7am eating breakfast anymore – I probably won’t remember my snacks – and I’ll have easy access to my cupboards and refrigerator.  To some, this may seem like such a silly thing – “why can’t you just control what you eat?” – that’s SO much easier said than done.  At least at school I can only eat what I take with me and at a certain time of day we get a 15 min break and I eat my snacks – and then our half hour lunch and I eat my lunch.  This being at home is going to be tough, but I’m going to try my hardest to have a good weight loss this week – summer isn’t too far away.  Since I’m home, I might even be able to sneak out for a walk or two …

Weekly Weigh-In – last one before March break

I know today is Tuesday and I don’t normally post on Tuesday, but I was SO tired last night I just crawled into bed and went to sleep.  I didn’t sleep very well last night though – I tossed and turned.  I’m not sure why, I think I’m getting a little burnt out with school, work and running around.  I barely have any time to plan meals and with all this activity going on, I barely had time to get a half decent healthy grocery order.

Yesterday was my weekly weigh-in.  I didn’t really feel much of a difference this week and it showed.  She weighed me but then was unable to locate my tracking sheet.  I knew I was down a little bit because I was into the 168 and not 169 range … lol … I don’t normally keep track of the “point” part of getting weighed because any little thing besides my body could be the reason for a loss or gain if it’s less than a pound – in my opinion.

I jumped on the scale and was 168.2 – after she found my sheet she called me and told me I was down .6 lbs.  I hate being down less than a 1 – it just doesn’t sound like I accomplished anything.  It was that time of the month as well so I wasn’t sure how the scale was going to tip – last month I had a loss during my PMSing – so I don’t think there’s much of an excuse during one’s cycle.

I finally had a few moments tonight to get out and get some groceries.  I felt somewhat relieved about this because I was able to grab some fruit and whole grain bread, Cheerios and these dark chocolate cookies that will go great with my mid-morning tea in school.  I’m feeling pretty optimistic about this week so I hope it shows on the scale.  I am going to get back into the seriousness of this because I’m thinking things at work are going to slow down now and next week is March break.  I’m hoping I can jump into some sort of new routine for the days I’m not going to be in school.  I hope being at home doesn’t make me want to eat all day long – that would suck. I think I’m going to have to consider some kind of plan to keep me busy …

Still on Program, but Loosing Motivation

I actually found some free time to post this evening!  I have been so busy since I got back to work – I go to school, work, come home and go to bed.  That’s been my life lately.  Tomorrow is weigh-in and I’m not even sure what time I’ll get there – or if I will.  I have to go to school, leave at lunch, drive Ashley to her road test (she’s trying for her driver’s license), then to her dentist appointment and after that I’m off to work.

As for my eating all week – it’s been very sporadic.  All I know is, I get in a good breakfast before I leave the house.  I do pretty good in school eating my snacks and lunch – it’s when school is over where I screw up.  I leave school – last week it was twice I’ve had to leave at 1:15 – so my last snack didn’t really get into me.  I’d get to my appointments, get home long enough to change my clothes and run off to work.  It’s tax season and I work for H&R Block so I’m gone pretty much until 8-9pm.

At work, I get very little food into me, although in the lunch room someone always has something sitting on the table – a table we walk by all night long.  I haven’t done really too bad … except for the “Cinnabons” breakfast bar things.  There aren’t really many calories in them, but the sugar is high – as a matter of fact, the sugar content in all the snacks the lady brought in is the same – 13g.

I haven’t written in my food journal all week either.  Now, along with not having any time to plan meals, I also don’t have much time to get groceries so there isn’t much in the way of fresh fruit/veggies around.  I’ve tried my best to work with what I had.  We traveled to Truro this weekend as well so I knew I’d be eating on the road.  I think the worse thing I had was a chocolate chip muffin from Tim Horton’s.  For lunch I had the vegetable soup from Tim’s, then we stopped at the grocery store and I got a fruit tray and a veggie package with dip for my snacks.  For supper, Ashley wanted to dine in somewhere so we agreed on Jungle Jim’s Eatery.  Before we went there, I googled their website and checked out their menu.  I knew I had to go in there with a plan or I’d screw up 2 months of hard work.  They actually had a “Slim Jim” section on their menu – everything in that section was 550 calories or less.  Which leads me to believe everything else on that menu wasn’t in anyone’s best interest!

I chose their Queslimdilles – they were SO good!  They came with a side salad.  The only problem with this meal was Ashley ordered their Chim Cheesecakes and they were absolutely to die for!  I knew they were no good for me .. but my sweet tooth got the best of me.  I’ll probably regret that tomorrow, but they were so worth the calories I’m not even upset.  haha

Queslimdillas

 

It’s the beginning of a new week, I’m hoping to get to a grocery store Tuesday and then back on track.  I see summer …

Weigh-In Day – +.2 lbs – WTF??

It was weigh-in day today – although I felt pretty good, it didn’t turn out very good.  I was up .2 lbs – how is someone up .2 lbs??  I wonder if I had of taken off my sweater would my weight have remained the same?  I actually find that kind of funny.  If .2 is all I gained after eating that salty supper from last night, then I didn’t do too badly after all.  Mind you, it motivated me to watch what I eat this week.

It’s a crazy busy week though – I had to take Ashley to the dentist today so I missed lunch – I went back to school during the lunch hour and had a banana.  I grabbed a Granola thin and my coffee cup so that’s all I had to eat before I got weighed.  I work at H&R Block and when I drove by the office I looked in the window and saw wall to wall people.  I knew I’d end up working for the evening and on my way home I wondered how the hell am I going to get supper into me?

I ran home, grabbed a piece of cheese and out the door I went.  It was standing room only in the waiting room so I knew I was in for a long night.  Someone brought in a tray of cupcakes so I had plenty of empty calories.  I texted my daughter, Ashley and asked her if she could stop somewhere and bring me a bite to eat – this was around 6:30pm.  I thought I’d be ‘safe’ with a grilled chicken wrap from Tim Horton’s plus a tea.  She brought me a tea with a yogurt.  God love her little heart – she knew I had a gain this week and didn’t want to compromise my efforts this week.  It didn’t really fill me, but it got me by.

I didn’t get home from work until 9pm and there was NO way I was going to be eating anything huge at that time of night so I watched some tv, did some online work, and around 10pm I cut an orange for myself.  I was actually watching The Biggest Loser at the time and that show motivates me like you wouldn’t believe.  So, I missed lunch today, didn’t have my green tea and I feel like I fell off the wagon … tomorrow is a new day, but also another busy one – I’ll be gone for most of the morning (to the doctors) and when I get back, it’ll be off to work .. .again … I think when I get home from the doctor, I’m going to put together a salad, fruit and bring my green tea to work.  There, I have a plan … I feel better.

Too Much Salt – Never a Good Thing

I know it’s been awhile – I’ve been busy with exams and I returned to work.  I’m still loosing weight and I can’t wait to get weighed tomorrow.  I’m already down almost 15 lbs since the beginning of the year.  I’m happy with that.  I am eating healthy and I’m loving the “new me”.  Even when I go anywhere, I either stay clear of the fast food, or I buy something healthy.  The other day, John and I went to Subway.  You can never go wrong with Subway.

I had a bad “binge” feeling the other night.  I think I was feeling stressed, bored, and just back and forth to the kitchen.  I didn’t really grab anything to throw me off too much … basically because I don’t KEEP anything in the house that would throw me off.  I had a few of John’s chips – but it was enough to curb my potato chip craving and not enough to sabotage my weight loss progress.  Just knowing they were in the house, was driving me crazy – and to be left alone with them here wasn’t good either.  I only had like 3 handfuls – then I bounced back to the healthy me again.

I made a plan for this week with regards to suppers.  I thought maybe I’d slow cook some beans sometime during the week and then I also decided on a boiled dinner.  I have never made either of these items so I wanted to try.  Today I tackled the boiled dinner – it was a little salty at first so I drained it twice.  It didn’t turn out too bad.  I filled up on the vegetables and only took 3 pieces of potato – which didn’t even equal a whole potato.  I ate the carrots, turnip, and cabbage and some of the meat.  I found there wasn’t much meat to it anyway.

Boiled Dinner

My Supper

I had supper a little bit early but I didn’t find myself very hungry after that.  I did make green tea and I had a roll with some olive oil margarine on it.  I had my orange after that and I was satisfied.  John has some licorice in the cupboard so I stole 2 pieces of it.  I’m still feeling pretty confident about getting weighed.  I actually jumped on the scale this morning before I jumped in the shower and I was 2 lbs lighter than last week.  Not sure how that salty supper will affect me, but with all that sodium, I don’t imagine it did any good.  I drank a litre of water prior to eating supper and half litre after supper.  I was trying to flush out the salt!

I stopped by the grocery store today to load up on fruit and some yogurts for the week.  I’ll be missing some time at school so my days are going to be screwed up – I’ll have to take snacks with me for my morning snack and on Tuesday I’ll have to also grab lunch and take it with me – I have a 10:20am appointment that I think is going to take me into the afternoon so I need to be prepared.

I think I’ll get my beans ready to cook mid week – I don’t mind having boiled dinner leftovers – it was rather delicious and if I stir fry the veggies in a pan with cooking spray, I should do alright.