I know it’s been awhile but I’m still at it – trying my hardest to stay in control of my weight – it’s not an easy task, to say the least.  I went back to Weight Watcher’s and started their Simple Start Plan – it was great – then life happened.  I was only able to do a few meetings and then I got a job … not just a job .. but the job of all jobs!  It was the one that would provide John and I with some much needed financial stability – equipped with benefits and a half decent income.  What started to suffer was my weight loss journey.

The first few weeks were okay because I could get up and have a good breakfast and then bring lunch with me to work.  After supper was a challenge because if I didn’t plan well, John would cook supper.  By the time I’d get home, I’d be so hungry I didn’t pay any attention to how it was prepared or what he put in it, all I knew was if I didn’t eat, I’d die.

I actually talked my sister into joining only for me to bail on her after our third week – I begged her to keep going because, not only was it good for her, but it kept me on track – kind of a win/win situation.  She’s older than I am and not in the best of health so I desperately wanted her to get on board with me and get into a state of better health – she’s my sister and I don’t want to loose her.  Surprisingly enough, she stuck it out – went without me – and now that my hours at work have changed, I can start attending the meetings again.  Her and I are going back tomorrow.  This past week I really had to reel myself back in and get serious about getting healthy.

For today, I had my two eggs, WW toast and banana for breakfast – I had it a little bit late – 10am – so for an afternoon lunch I just had a plate of Weight Watcher’s homemade oven fries (although, I forgot the olive oil!), and some veggie sticks.

lunch

lunch

 

For the latter part of the afternoon, I had my tea and WW snack.  It’s “fish Friday” so I’m going too make some scallops and oven potatoes.  I feel great – I even got some water into me.  I’m looking forward to getting weighed tomorrow because I kind of cheated and jumped on the scale this morning – I was down 2lbs since the last time I got weighed at WW so I’m kind of excited.  Plus, it’s Easter weekend and it’s one of the hardest times of the year for me when it comes to eating healthy – I LOVE chocolate!  OMG – I just can’t stop at one little eggie or bunny ears … it’s the whole thing for me!  So going to a meeting the day before Easter is also a win situation for me.

It’s going to feel great to get back into the meetings, for sure – plus I can buy some of their snacks – I love having a cup of tea in the evening, but I also like having something sweet with it so they do the trick.

 

 

 

See how long that took … you know, to fall off the wagon … sigh …

Yes, weigh-in was yesterday and I wasn’t feeling too confident.  My home scale was only down like 1 lb since last week so I knew something had gone wrong (according to Weight Watchers yesterday, I was down .5  geesh, really??  What a stupid number.).  Do I know what that was … yup … I didn’t track anything and I got into some Doritos.  In all honesty, that’s all I remember doing wrong.  For the most part, I ate healthy – I think – see, I can’t remember because I didn’t keep track!  It’s not rocket science by any means, but why is this so hard??  I’m sure nobody else sits around and writes out what they’re going to eat today or tomorrow.  Why do I have to?

Here’s why:  because I loose control.  It is so much easier to loose control.  I really love going to Weight Watchers meetings because they bring me back on track.  I don’t know what it is about going to them that does this.  I could easily weigh myself here, but just to sit around and listen to weight loss stories – struggles and successes just brings your mind to where it should be.  It’s like a reboot for the mind.  Start fresh the next day.

This week I decided I’m going to use my tools and write it all down.  I have a 3 month journal that I can use and I started it this morning.  I had two boiled eggs, 2 weight watchers toasts, tea and an orange.  I even tried really hard to get in my water.  For lunch … omg, I made this monstrosity of a meal:

photo 1 photo 2

It was seriously so much salad it wouldn’t fit into the tortilla wrap!  I used lettuce, chicken breast, cherry tomatoes, green onion (LOVE the smell of those!), and low calorie Ranch dressing.  I had a side of cucumber in vinegar and believe it or not, I’m full.  I already have supper planned … I bought stir fry beef and green peppers so I’m making a stir fry and I’ll have it with a side of rice or something, I haven’t decided yet.

I’m heading into a busy week though so I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I start my new job!  I’m excited as hell to start, but it’ll mean me taking a lunch.  This is good because I’ll have to plan the night before and have it all ready to go in the morning.  I can’t do the making lunch in the morning thing and I HAVE to take something otherwise I’ll be eating out of vending machines – and all they have is junk.  The bad thing is if I don’t take enough to eat then I’ll have binge moments in the evenings so I’ll need to be aware of those and handle them accordingly – which is never easy.

Here’s to a good week everyone …

I know it’s been all week since I posted anything but I’ve been so incredibly busy.  I have thought about all the things I’ve wanted to write and when I was going to get a chance to sit down and do this … wondering how I did all week?  Well, let’s see – my day 1 was last Sunday … I did perfect … but Monday, I would have cut off my left arm for a BK Whopper!

It’s no secret that I’m an emotional eater – well, late Sunday night after John and I went to bed we could hear this ‘drip, drip, drip’ coming from who knows where.  The last time I heard that sound, our roof was leaking!  We jumped out of bed, turned on the light and omg, the freakin window was leaking!  The days preceding this it stormed, rained, stormed and then froze to our roof.  Because there was such a buildup of ice on the roof, it started dripping in behind the shingles and down the window … right into our room!  John flipped … dropped the “f” bomb many times … I grabbed some towels and tried to keep the water from dripping on our bed.  “Drip, drip, drip” … ugh … John got up and decided to sleep in Alyssa’s room since she had gone back to college.  I was left to deal with the dripping … it got quiet and I fell asleep … only to be woken at 3-3:30am to the sound of the water dripping from the towel onto the floor.

Long story short, I got 3 hours sleep!  I got up and I was cranky … John stayed home from work … we found someone who charged an arm and a leg to clean off half of the roof and then I decided we’d go through the insurance.  Needless to say, I wanted so badly to run to BK and have a burger … a delicious, salty, juicy, hamburger … I’m really sure it would have made me feel better.  At that moment.  I remembered how much a Whopper gives me pains in the tummy and then how guilty I feel after eating it.  I didn’t go.

That afternoon, though, things changed … I got the call I had been waiting for since December … I got a new job!  It was the job I really wanted … the day was going to end on a good note.  I was so emotionally drained from the day I can’t believe I didn’t turn to food.

The rest of the week went pretty good too … I followed the Weight Watcher’s Simple Plan .. often times I felt hungry, but I don’t think I was eating enough.  I felt very proud of my choices but I need to do better planning.  I went for groceries yesterday and spent less than $120 …. and that’s for 4 people .. so the next person who tells me it costs too much money to eat healthy needs to sit down with me and I’ll show them it’s not.  It is too expensive to eat healthy in fast food restaurants because they know people are trying to eat better … but the grocery stores … no way … you just have to learn to be more creative, that’s all.

My meeting was today and I was hoping for a decent weight loss number … when she weighed me she told me, “good week” … and when I sat down I looked in my book and it said -2 lbs … I lost 2 lbs … I was kind of happy about that, but would have been happier with a 4 … I was feeling a 4 …. lol … but if I can lose 2 lbs per week every week, I’ll be feeling incredibly wonderful come summer time!  I reached Lifetime status in Weight Watchers back in 1990 losing 2 lbs a week so I’m happy.

Yesterday I was determined to make it to Weight Watcher’s – even after the incredible snow storm we had the day before!  I have been waiting since the holidays to get back into Weight Watcher’s and I prayed that the roads would be somewhat drivable.  The roads weren’t that great, but I took my time and I got there.  I knew the lady who was doing the meeting – Toni – was the same lady who was there when I reached my goal back in 1990!  I was so excited (and somewhat embarrassed) to be seeing her again.

I got there and waited in the car for them to open.  I was feeling relieved that I was actually there and ready to embark on this once more … hoping it’ll be the last time I find myself at the bottom of that roller coaster when it comes to food and binging.  I walked in and she knew me instantly!  She came over and gave me a hug …. a much needed hug … and I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be.  I got to the scale and stepped on it … they hide the screen so I had no idea how much I weighed, but I grabbed my books and found a seat.  I peeked in my book and much to my surprise I’m at 172 lbs!  That means over the last few days of eating well, I lost 4 lbs – I was happy with that – but disgusted that I was so heavy.

I stayed for the meeting and it will become my ‘me time’ as I plan on attending every Saturday.  I knew the new “Simple Start” was going to be for me … when I went years ago the program told me what I was suppose to eat – it was more structured for me than that Points System – this was the biggest reason why I was so happy to be going back.

photo 3

the simple start

There are actually two plans – you can follow the Simple Start plan or continue with the Points system … although I’m not sure why you would … unless it’s something you’re used to.  I just can’t seem to follow the points though. I read through the books and I am feeling much better about following it now.

   Points

Today was Day 1 on the plan and I did fabulous!  I had a wonderful breakfast of scrambled egg, on thin bread with fat free cheese and spinach.  Plus I had my tea.  I was home all day so I tried really hard to not pick at food all day.  I decided to take the tree down and change the livingroom around.  It kept me very busy and running up and down the basement stairs helped work up a sweat.  Before I knew it, it was lunch time.  Mom sent in some scallops last night from supper and, although I knew they had a flour coating, I was going to eat them anyway – I warmed them up in a non stick frying pan with a little bit of olive oil and I had them with a plate of salad.  They were SO good!

photo    For my snacks I had a Weight Watcher’s smoothie and half of a banana.  I had a green tea in the early afternoon.  I waited around for John to come back from his mothers because I knew he was bringing chili and there’s nothing wrong with chili!  It is chalked full of vegetables and fibre rich beans.  I was waiting for so long for him I was getting hungry … I was wondering if I should eat something or not.  Most days I’d run to the cupboard, but I wasn’t giving in to that – I went to the fridge and immediately opened the veggie drawer … cucumber … hhhhmm … so I decided to slice up some English cucumber and put it in some vinegar – they were crunchy and  tasty.  Just as I was finishing my snack, John showed up with chili.  I heated it, buttered some reduced calorie bread and John and I had our supper.

It’s 8:45pm and I’m feeling the need to snack … so here I am typing instead.  I just realized there is laundry in the dryer that needs folding and probably after that I might have an orange or a bowl of cereal, I haven’t decided.  With the cereal I can put some blueberries on it – might just go for the orange – my tummy is still feeling the chili.

I’m off all week so I can focus on food preparation.  I have a bag of skinless/boneless chicken breasts in the freezer so I’m going to cook them all tomorrow and freeze them, that way I’ll always have some chicken available for salad or soup.

“Well, here it is – 2013 – and I’m wondering what the year will bring.  I have a few ideas and I’m sure my children will keep me busy, stressed, and somewhat on my toes.  What I can also anticipate if I don’t get things under control is that I’ll probably find myself a few more pounds heavier.  This not only sickens me, it frightens me.  I’m not as young as I used to be, my feet sometimes hurt and my knee has been bothering me a lot more lately.  I jumped on the scale this morning and I’m disgusted to say I’m 17 lbs away from weighing 200 … gross eh … I’m SO angry with myself, embarrassed that I let myself get that way and I have only me to blame.  I’d like to blame other people, but when it comes down to it the only one who did this to themselves was me.”

Oh, c’mon, really .. did you think I’d go another January 1st without vowing to loose weight??  If you did, then you don’t know me at all … I have a food addiction … I’m up and down … all year, every year.  You just read last year’s blog post from January 1st, 2013.  I must admit, I have done much better last year than I did in previous years.  After the Biggest Loser weight loss challenge, I got down to 164 lbs … held on for awhile.  I was 171 lbs about a month ago and then I saw the end of the year coming and binged … for a whole month, I binged.  Candy, chips, and back into the fast food a few weeks ago.  I gained 5 lbs in a month!  I feel horrible … I don’t want my pants to become uncomfortable again.  As of now, they are becoming tight again.  What am I thinking while I’m binging?  The same thing an addict is feeling when he’s got a needle in his arm … how fuckin great it feels!  That’s what I’m thinking and that’s what I’m feeling … it’s only an ‘in the moment’ feeling though because afterward I think to myself, “why did I do that?”  I feel sick, depressed, lethargic and I just want to be left alone. I’m relieved, however, that the year is over and the new one begins.

I’m going back to the thing I know works … Weight Watcher’s … they have a new program and I’m excited to learn about it:

http://danicasdaily.com/weight-watchers-simple-start-program/

I’m upset that the meetings are no longer here in Sydney – I have to go to Sydney River.  I found a meeting which is led by Toni – the same lady who helped me reach lifetime status way back in 1990!  If it wasn’t for her I don’t think I could have done it.  I’m hoping to go through the same journey with her again.  I don’t care if it’s a drive away … I don’t care that it’s $16/week to attend a meeting … I don’t care that it’s at 9:45am on a Saturday … I’m worth the drive, I’m worth the money and I’m worth getting up for.

2014 … here I come!

I’m just sitting here by myself – as usual – watching tv and wondering what I can eat.  I am pretty sure I’m close to my Points maximum for the day.  I worked and Alyssa was home all weekend.  I was stressed, a little upset and very tired for most of it.  Alyssa was home for 3 days and I barely got to see her because I was working nor did I get to cook her a half decent meal.  About the only positive thing about the weekend was the fact that I had to prepack my lunch and snacks because my shifts were all day so I had to take most of my food with me.  I had all my points counted for the day – pre planning is the key and it worked.  The most difficult part was after work … I never had time to cook supper and I tried very hard to stay away from fast food.  I did take home Subway and I made sure I just got a 6 inch chicken teriyaki with loads of vegetables on it.  The next day I cooked a hamburger and I only ate one … normally I’d eat two … but one satisfied me and I walked away from the table.

Today was a little difficult – not sure why – Alyssa went back to college.  I’m on edge a bit and I’m not sure the reason.  I had 3 mini bars and they weren’t really as good as I hoped they’d be.  I think I ate supper too early so now I’m feeling a binge.  I did cook a pot of Weight Watcher’s soup – I loaded it up with cabbage, asparagus, carrots and zucchini – I even sent Alyssa with some.

Weight Watchers Soup

Weight Watchers Soup

I’m off all week so I’ll be able to plan and make some healthy meals.  I do need some groceries, but unfortunately, payday isn’t until Thursday evening so I’ll have to be VERY creative with what I have here.  I’m going to go through some cook books to see if I can find some healthy recipes and make sure I stick to some kind of meal plan.

I’d like to get some cabbage rolls cooked and put in the freezer for Christmas and maybe do some healthy planning for Christmas “sweets” so I don’t over indulge.  Ya know, if I plan this right, I should be fine.  I think if I can stay away from the chips and chocolates, then I can win the battle between me and the sweets.  I’m not much of a sweet eater, but if it’s in front of me I tend to eat it.  It becomes a visual thing at that point.  I’m never hungry for this stuff and I know it’s never good for me .. but it “looks” so good.

Christmas Tray

Christmas Tray

I mean, look at this tray of sweets and candy … doesn’t it LOOK amazing??  I could just eat this based on what it looks like.  I’m not even sure if it tastes good .. but I don’t care .. look at it!  Now that I’m looking at it, I’m getting nervous all over again … how the hell am I going to survive the holidays??  Please someone tell me how they get through the holidays following Weight Watchers … I could use some tips … tricks … how can I sit next to this tray and be satisfied with my choices or decisions?  I could eat the whole thing, I’m sure … chocolate covered cherries – HELLO – Quality Street caramels … OMG … and not to mention mint pinwheel candies … omg .. I’m doomed!

Well it’s day 2 and I am starting to feel better – I’m finding myself hungry but since I just got groceries tonight things should be better for the week – I bought lots of fruits and veggies.  I’m planning on cooking some of the Weight Watcher’s vegetable soup.  I got some pretzels for when I’m really “picking” and I also saw these yogurts – they had the WW Points right on the package.  I loved that:

photo 2 photo 1I just had the creme brule flavor – there are so many delectable flavors, I think I could get used to these!  The grocery store also had their honey crisp apples on sale and at 0 points I can have one of those too … I have 2 points left for the rest of the night so I might have some pretzels while I watch some tv.

I am hoping I can get used to the whole points thing – I never understood it before but now I get it … I think the more I write it down the better in control I could be.  My obstacle now is work.  I am working the next 3 days in a row – which is good to a point – I won’t be here to eat all day, however, I also need to be eating at least every 2-3 hours and we don’t get breaks like that at work.

So, tonight I’m by myself … Ashley’s gone with a friend, Taylor’s down stairs playing games and John’s gone for coffee – I asked him not to be gone too long because if I get too bored, I might want to eat.  Alyssa’s coming home for the weekend so I’m excited for that.

I think I’m just rambling now so I will close – I was trying to keep my fingers busy and kill some time so I don’t eat … sad eh …