It’s Been a Long Time

I know it’s been awhile but I’m still at it – trying my hardest to stay in control of my weight – it’s not an easy task, to say the least.  I went back to Weight Watcher’s and started their Simple Start Plan – it was great – then life happened.  I was only able to do a few meetings and then I got a job … not just a job .. but the job of all jobs!  It was the one that would provide John and I with some much needed financial stability – equipped with benefits and a half decent income.  What started to suffer was my weight loss journey.

The first few weeks were okay because I could get up and have a good breakfast and then bring lunch with me to work.  After supper was a challenge because if I didn’t plan well, John would cook supper.  By the time I’d get home, I’d be so hungry I didn’t pay any attention to how it was prepared or what he put in it, all I knew was if I didn’t eat, I’d die.

I actually talked my sister into joining only for me to bail on her after our third week – I begged her to keep going because, not only was it good for her, but it kept me on track – kind of a win/win situation.  She’s older than I am and not in the best of health so I desperately wanted her to get on board with me and get into a state of better health – she’s my sister and I don’t want to loose her.  Surprisingly enough, she stuck it out – went without me – and now that my hours at work have changed, I can start attending the meetings again.  Her and I are going back tomorrow.  This past week I really had to reel myself back in and get serious about getting healthy.

For today, I had my two eggs, WW toast and banana for breakfast – I had it a little bit late – 10am – so for an afternoon lunch I just had a plate of Weight Watcher’s homemade oven fries (although, I forgot the olive oil!), and some veggie sticks.

lunch

 

For the latter part of the afternoon, I had my tea and WW snack.  It’s “fish Friday” so I’m going too make some scallops and oven potatoes.  I feel great – I even got some water into me.  I’m looking forward to getting weighed tomorrow because I kind of cheated and jumped on the scale this morning – I was down 2lbs since the last time I got weighed at WW so I’m kind of excited.  Plus, it’s Easter weekend and it’s one of the hardest times of the year for me when it comes to eating healthy – I LOVE chocolate!  OMG – I just can’t stop at one little eggie or bunny ears … it’s the whole thing for me!  So going to a meeting the day before Easter is also a win situation for me.

It’s going to feel great to get back into the meetings, for sure – plus I can buy some of their snacks – I love having a cup of tea in the evening, but I also like having something sweet with it so they do the trick.

 

 

 

Gaining Back Control

See how long that took … you know, to fall off the wagon … sigh …

Yes, weigh-in was yesterday and I wasn’t feeling too confident.  My home scale was only down like 1 lb since last week so I knew something had gone wrong (according to Weight Watchers yesterday, I was down .5  geesh, really??  What a stupid number.).  Do I know what that was … yup … I didn’t track anything and I got into some Doritos.  In all honesty, that’s all I remember doing wrong.  For the most part, I ate healthy – I think – see, I can’t remember because I didn’t keep track!  It’s not rocket science by any means, but why is this so hard??  I’m sure nobody else sits around and writes out what they’re going to eat today or tomorrow.  Why do I have to?

Here’s why:  because I loose control.  It is so much easier to loose control.  I really love going to Weight Watchers meetings because they bring me back on track.  I don’t know what it is about going to them that does this.  I could easily weigh myself here, but just to sit around and listen to weight loss stories – struggles and successes just brings your mind to where it should be.  It’s like a reboot for the mind.  Start fresh the next day.

This week I decided I’m going to use my tools and write it all down.  I have a 3 month journal that I can use and I started it this morning.  I had two boiled eggs, 2 weight watchers toasts, tea and an orange.  I even tried really hard to get in my water.  For lunch … omg, I made this monstrosity of a meal:

It was seriously so much salad it wouldn’t fit into the tortilla wrap!  I used lettuce, chicken breast, cherry tomatoes, green onion (LOVE the smell of those!), and low calorie Ranch dressing.  I had a side of cucumber in vinegar and believe it or not, I’m full.  I already have supper planned … I bought stir fry beef and green peppers so I’m making a stir fry and I’ll have it with a side of rice or something, I haven’t decided yet.

I’m heading into a busy week though so I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I start my new job!  I’m excited as hell to start, but it’ll mean me taking a lunch.  This is good because I’ll have to plan the night before and have it all ready to go in the morning.  I can’t do the making lunch in the morning thing and I HAVE to take something otherwise I’ll be eating out of vending machines – and all they have is junk.  The bad thing is if I don’t take enough to eat then I’ll have binge moments in the evenings so I’ll need to be aware of those and handle them accordingly – which is never easy.

Here’s to a good week everyone …

End of a Crazy Week

I know it’s been all week since I posted anything but I’ve been so incredibly busy.  I have thought about all the things I’ve wanted to write and when I was going to get a chance to sit down and do this … wondering how I did all week?  Well, let’s see – my day 1 was last Sunday … I did perfect … but Monday, I would have cut off my left arm for a BK Whopper!

It’s no secret that I’m an emotional eater – well, late Sunday night after John and I went to bed we could hear this ‘drip, drip, drip’ coming from who knows where.  The last time I heard that sound, our roof was leaking!  We jumped out of bed, turned on the light and omg, the freakin window was leaking!  The days preceding this it stormed, rained, stormed and then froze to our roof.  Because there was such a buildup of ice on the roof, it started dripping in behind the shingles and down the window … right into our room!  John flipped … dropped the “f” bomb many times … I grabbed some towels and tried to keep the water from dripping on our bed.  “Drip, drip, drip” … ugh … John got up and decided to sleep in Alyssa’s room since she had gone back to college.  I was left to deal with the dripping … it got quiet and I fell asleep … only to be woken at 3-3:30am to the sound of the water dripping from the towel onto the floor.

Long story short, I got 3 hours sleep!  I got up and I was cranky … John stayed home from work … we found someone who charged an arm and a leg to clean off half of the roof and then I decided we’d go through the insurance.  Needless to say, I wanted so badly to run to BK and have a burger … a delicious, salty, juicy, hamburger … I’m really sure it would have made me feel better.  At that moment.  I remembered how much a Whopper gives me pains in the tummy and then how guilty I feel after eating it.  I didn’t go.

That afternoon, though, things changed … I got the call I had been waiting for since December … I got a new job!  It was the job I really wanted … the day was going to end on a good note.  I was so emotionally drained from the day I can’t believe I didn’t turn to food.

The rest of the week went pretty good too … I followed the Weight Watcher’s Simple Plan .. often times I felt hungry, but I don’t think I was eating enough.  I felt very proud of my choices but I need to do better planning.  I went for groceries yesterday and spent less than $120 …. and that’s for 4 people .. so the next person who tells me it costs too much money to eat healthy needs to sit down with me and I’ll show them it’s not.  It is too expensive to eat healthy in fast food restaurants because they know people are trying to eat better … but the grocery stores … no way … you just have to learn to be more creative, that’s all.

My meeting was today and I was hoping for a decent weight loss number … when she weighed me she told me, “good week” … and when I sat down I looked in my book and it said -2 lbs … I lost 2 lbs … I was kind of happy about that, but would have been happier with a 4 … I was feeling a 4 …. lol … but if I can lose 2 lbs per week every week, I’ll be feeling incredibly wonderful come summer time!  I reached Lifetime status in Weight Watchers back in 1990 losing 2 lbs a week so I’m happy.

At the Bottom of the Roller Coaster … again …

“Well, here it is – 2013 – and I’m wondering what the year will bring.  I have a few ideas and I’m sure my children will keep me busy, stressed, and somewhat on my toes.  What I can also anticipate if I don’t get things under control is that I’ll probably find myself a few more pounds heavier.  This not only sickens me, it frightens me.  I’m not as young as I used to be, my feet sometimes hurt and my knee has been bothering me a lot more lately.  I jumped on the scale this morning and I’m disgusted to say I’m 17 lbs away from weighing 200 … gross eh … I’m SO angry with myself, embarrassed that I let myself get that way and I have only me to blame.  I’d like to blame other people, but when it comes down to it the only one who did this to themselves was me.”

Oh, c’mon, really .. did you think I’d go another January 1st without vowing to loose weight??  If you did, then you don’t know me at all … I have a food addiction … I’m up and down … all year, every year.  You just read last year’s blog post from January 1st, 2013.  I must admit, I have done much better last year than I did in previous years.  After the Biggest Loser weight loss challenge, I got down to 164 lbs … held on for awhile.  I was 171 lbs about a month ago and then I saw the end of the year coming and binged … for a whole month, I binged.  Candy, chips, and back into the fast food a few weeks ago.  I gained 5 lbs in a month!  I feel horrible … I don’t want my pants to become uncomfortable again.  As of now, they are becoming tight again.  What am I thinking while I’m binging?  The same thing an addict is feeling when he’s got a needle in his arm … how fuckin great it feels!  That’s what I’m thinking and that’s what I’m feeling … it’s only an ‘in the moment’ feeling though because afterward I think to myself, “why did I do that?”  I feel sick, depressed, lethargic and I just want to be left alone. I’m relieved, however, that the year is over and the new one begins.

I’m going back to the thing I know works … Weight Watcher’s … they have a new program and I’m excited to learn about it:

http://danicasdaily.com/weight-watchers-simple-start-program/

I’m upset that the meetings are no longer here in Sydney – I have to go to Sydney River.  I found a meeting which is led by Toni – the same lady who helped me reach lifetime status way back in 1990!  If it wasn’t for her I don’t think I could have done it.  I’m hoping to go through the same journey with her again.  I don’t care if it’s a drive away … I don’t care that it’s $16/week to attend a meeting … I don’t care that it’s at 9:45am on a Saturday … I’m worth the drive, I’m worth the money and I’m worth getting up for.

2014 … here I come!

It’s All About Planning

I’m just sitting here by myself – as usual – watching tv and wondering what I can eat.  I am pretty sure I’m close to my Points maximum for the day.  I worked and Alyssa was home all weekend.  I was stressed, a little upset and very tired for most of it.  Alyssa was home for 3 days and I barely got to see her because I was working nor did I get to cook her a half decent meal.  About the only positive thing about the weekend was the fact that I had to prepack my lunch and snacks because my shifts were all day so I had to take most of my food with me.  I had all my points counted for the day – pre planning is the key and it worked.  The most difficult part was after work … I never had time to cook supper and I tried very hard to stay away from fast food.  I did take home Subway and I made sure I just got a 6 inch chicken teriyaki with loads of vegetables on it.  The next day I cooked a hamburger and I only ate one … normally I’d eat two … but one satisfied me and I walked away from the table.

Today was a little difficult – not sure why – Alyssa went back to college.  I’m on edge a bit and I’m not sure the reason.  I had 3 mini bars and they weren’t really as good as I hoped they’d be.  I think I ate supper too early so now I’m feeling a binge.  I did cook a pot of Weight Watcher’s soup – I loaded it up with cabbage, asparagus, carrots and zucchini – I even sent Alyssa with some.

Weight Watchers Soup

I’m off all week so I’ll be able to plan and make some healthy meals.  I do need some groceries, but unfortunately, payday isn’t until Thursday evening so I’ll have to be VERY creative with what I have here.  I’m going to go through some cook books to see if I can find some healthy recipes and make sure I stick to some kind of meal plan.

I’d like to get some cabbage rolls cooked and put in the freezer for Christmas and maybe do some healthy planning for Christmas “sweets” so I don’t over indulge.  Ya know, if I plan this right, I should be fine.  I think if I can stay away from the chips and chocolates, then I can win the battle between me and the sweets.  I’m not much of a sweet eater, but if it’s in front of me I tend to eat it.  It becomes a visual thing at that point.  I’m never hungry for this stuff and I know it’s never good for me .. but it “looks” so good.

Christmas Tray

I mean, look at this tray of sweets and candy … doesn’t it LOOK amazing??  I could just eat this based on what it looks like.  I’m not even sure if it tastes good .. but I don’t care .. look at it!  Now that I’m looking at it, I’m getting nervous all over again … how the hell am I going to survive the holidays??  Please someone tell me how they get through the holidays following Weight Watchers … I could use some tips … tricks … how can I sit next to this tray and be satisfied with my choices or decisions?  I could eat the whole thing, I’m sure … chocolate covered cherries – HELLO – Quality Street caramels … OMG … and not to mention mint pinwheel candies … omg .. I’m doomed!

One Day at a Time

Well it’s day 2 and I am starting to feel better – I’m finding myself hungry but since I just got groceries tonight things should be better for the week – I bought lots of fruits and veggies.  I’m planning on cooking some of the Weight Watcher’s vegetable soup.  I got some pretzels for when I’m really “picking” and I also saw these yogurts – they had the WW Points right on the package.  I loved that:

I just had the creme brule flavor – there are so many delectable flavors, I think I could get used to these!  The grocery store also had their honey crisp apples on sale and at 0 points I can have one of those too … I have 2 points left for the rest of the night so I might have some pretzels while I watch some tv.

I am hoping I can get used to the whole points thing – I never understood it before but now I get it … I think the more I write it down the better in control I could be.  My obstacle now is work.  I am working the next 3 days in a row – which is good to a point – I won’t be here to eat all day, however, I also need to be eating at least every 2-3 hours and we don’t get breaks like that at work.

So, tonight I’m by myself … Ashley’s gone with a friend, Taylor’s down stairs playing games and John’s gone for coffee – I asked him not to be gone too long because if I get too bored, I might want to eat.  Alyssa’s coming home for the weekend so I’m excited for that.

I think I’m just rambling now so I will close – I was trying to keep my fingers busy and kill some time so I don’t eat … sad eh …

I’m Back! It’s Been Awhile

I can’t even count the amount of times I wanted to come back and write in this blog!  As you can imagine, I’ve stopped running … it’s just not my thing … as much as I tried to make it my thing, it just isn’t.  There was nothing fun about it, nothing I looked forward to – except wearing those kick ass sneakers I paid way too much money for!  I stopped watching what I was eating, and even found myself at Harvey’s the other night having a hamburger – one of the very few I’ve eaten since The Biggest Loser contest.  I kind of felt like an alcoholic who found herself sitting in a bar taking her first drink after months of sobriety.

So, why am I back?  This is why:

Me and John on NY Eve 2012

John decided to post this picture last night on his Facebook page and I saw it.  This is my “before” picture!  He says he loves this picture of us together but I’m not sure why.  I’m like 20 lbs heavier in this picture than I am now!  Does he like fat girls … or perhaps it’s my hair … I could live with that, it’s a lot easier to grow my hair than it is to lose weight … or maybe he thinks HE looks better in this picture – honestly, I don’t even see him in this picture.  All I know is I can’t go back there …

Halloween is over and Christmas is just around the corner – two of the worst holidays for gaining weight!  I managed to lose a little bit of control over Halloween and ate tons of mini bars and chips … the candy is left but I’m not much of a candy fan.  Christmas food ALWAYS controls me – there hasn’t been a Christmas yet where I could stay away from the junk.  Everyone is baking, cooking, giving out chocolates … and it’s already starting to stress me out.  I’ll be back at H&R block next year and I will be working with the public – I want to be able to continue wearing nice dressy clothes.

I took the plunge – I dug out all my most recent Weight Watcher’s books – I do have the Points Plus program and calculator.  Much to my surprise the battery in the calculator still works.  My last weigh-in with WW was in 2011 – I was 164 lbs … which is actually what I was when I finished the Biggest Loser contest.   I’m up to 172 lbs now and I am making a promise to myself not to go any higher.

I’m allowed 29 points according to that calculator.  I started logging my journal today and I feel hungry … lol … it’s close to lunch so I’m going to make myself a tuna salad with a green tea.  Tomorrow is grocery day and I plan on getting all of the ingredients for their vegetable soup – that’ll be nice to have during the day – especially now with the chilly weather upon us.

Well, wish me luck … if anyone wants to join with me feel free … I would love to hear how you cope with struggles and the holidays.

Still Running – and Eating

I know it’s been a long time since I posted – I think about the blog everyday and how much I’d just love to sit and type.  My days are full.  I know, I should be making more time for this because it keeps me focused and on my game.  I’m in school all week until 3pm – I get home and there’s always something for me to do.  After supper I try to get my run in.  I wish I could run every night – it’s actually quite challenging at the best of times – but I continue to read that you shouldn’t run too often because you need to allow your body to recover.  I try for 3-4 nights a week – this week though the 3 nights might be one after the other because I was not in the best of shape over the weekend.  And I refuse to run in the rain – I don’t care how lazy that sounds, I just don’t want to.

And my oldest girl is moving – this has consumed some of my time as well.  And it has also consumed a lot of emotions.  I’m trying really hard to stay clear of the junk food because we all know this is where I head to when I’m upset … comfort food … I ate chips over the weekend and although tasty and crunchy, they still made me feel guilty.  I had a party and people brought all kinds of dips and chips but surprisingly enough, I didn’t eat a whole lot of it.  The next day, however, was a different story!  I normally have a BK Whopper meal after a night out partying, but Sunday I just wasn’t feeling it.  Oh, I probably could have ripped someone’s arm off for one, but I’m glad I didn’t go get it because I probably would have been incredibly sick.  I didn’t eat anything healthy, mind you, and if it hadn’t of been for the excruciating headache I had, I probably would have gone for a run.  This is why I hate going out because the next day I’m rather useless.

So – this is a new week – I got out for my run last night – I clocked four 4 min runs and one of them was actually more like 4:10 and I walked in between for the 1 minute.  I was quite happy with that.  I will probably go again tonight and I’m going to see if I can get to 4:30 minutes.  That is my goal.  My daughter and I are going to be doing some volunteer work on Saturday for the Doctor’s NS Youth Run – it sounds like it could be a lot of fun.  It would get me out there practicing and cheering on the kids.  I’m looking forward to it!

I guess my biggest struggle this week is diet.  I can’t loose another ounce for some reason, but yet I still feel great.  I have been having some “fat” days and I hate them … I don’t know how to get rid of them … well, I do, but it’s SO hard … I hate counting calories, I hate counting fat, I hate keeping track … I tried last week and I managed to write in my food journal one day … for some strange odd reason, it has now become easier to run than it is to diet.  This time 6 months ago, I’d be saying the opposite.  I’m still trying to get my green tea and orange in during the evening .. but I’m also picking.  I’m wondering if the running is increasing my appetite.  I’m scared to start eating more.  I have breakfast and I bring a lunch to school … and I try to get my protein and veggie for supper – but them damn evenings.  It’s worse when it’s raining because I’m bored – we all know what happens when boredom sets in.

Disappointing Day – thank God it’s Over

I know – it’s an odd night to be blogging, isn’t it? I figured, I might as well keep my fingers busy since I’m SO bored! John’s asleep on the sofa, Alyssa’s gone to work and Ashley’s at a friends for the night. I’m already too many calories into the night so I think I’ll type until bedtime.

It was a crazy start to the day today. John got up really early and went with his father picking fiddleheads – myself, I don’t like them – like everything else, I’ve tried many times to acquire a taste for them and it just doesn’t happen.  All I can taste is the mud they are grown in.  So, he kissed me goodbye and told me it was 6am … sigh … I went back to sleep.  I woke at 8am and contemplated getting up or staying in bed.  I thought about whether or not I wanted to run before the rain came.  They were forecasting rain for the whole weekend.  I figured since I didn’t get out last night … or the night before .. it was best that I try and get out today.  I didn’t really have a large day planned so if I got tired later, I could relax – no running around to do.

I got up – threw on my running clothes before I changed my mind, washed up and brushed my teeth.  I grabbed a banana and sucked down a cold glass of water.  I decided not to bring my Iphone because I wasn’t interested in listening to the music.  The neighborhood sounded very quiet and I wanted to embrace that.

I started out briskly walking … and then off I went on a job.  I’m attempting my 3 minute/1 minute intervals.  Wow – I could barely get 2:30 out of my legs!  My breathing was all wrong … I was scared I was going to pass out so I dropped it down to a walk.  My next 3 minute interval – I lasted closer to 3 minutes … and it was all downhill from there (I don’t mean physically down a hill either).  I just couldn’t seem to get in any 3 minute intervals.  What is wrong with me??  How the hell am I going to run a 5k when I can barely run 3 minutes at a time??  I’m wondering if maybe I should just stick with evening runs … does the time of day make a difference?  I’m pretty sure my body was still half asleep.  I got back about 9:20, made a spinach omelet, and then jumped in the shower, did some laundry and migrated some computer stuff.

I was disappointed in myself.  I didn’t feel like I had a very good run at all.  I should have waited, I guess, because it didn’t rain after all.  Tomorrow is mother’s day so when I get back from my visit with my mom, I’m going out again.

Food-wise, I did horrible as well.  It seemed all day I had a tummy ache.  John took me for ice cream – that didn’t sit well.  Prior to that he bbqed some steak – they were SO good – but I had eaten it with a Cesar salad so that didn’t sit well either.  I just feel like I ate way too much for my stomach to handle.  I can’t wait for today to be over …

 

Holy Crap, I Did It!

It’s been awhile since I posted and I have to be honest, things have been going pretty good.  We went away for the weekend and Ashley and I made a plan to do some shopping.  The only store I really wanted to get to was The Running Room – figuring maybe it might inspire me to run.

I tried doing some running during the week – I didn’t get far … literally.  I did some walking, but I wasn’t very successful at the running part – but at least I got out of the house.

I bought a magazine on Friday and in it there was this juice cleanse article and I thought maybe I’d try it.  Cleansing really helps your joints and muscles and mine are sore.  I read the article and made a plan. I located a juicer that I could borrow and when I get back from Halifax, I plan to do the 7 day cleanse.

My first shopping stop in Halifax was The Running Room – what an awesome store!  I really wanted a jacket and something to time me on my runs – 1 minute run, 2 minutes walk X 6.  The guy in the store showed me this watch and it will do 6 sets for me – perfect.  I bought the watch, a water bottle that I can carry around my wrist and a gorgeous jacket – pink!  I figured since I spent so much at that store, I’m going to have to stick to a program.  They gave me this free Running Room magazine and in it are two great articles – one about my osteoarthritis and another one about my plantar faciitus.  Running is not hurtful for either one.  I was happy to read that and the plantar faciitus article tells you how to prevent it from flaring up.

So, in Halifax Ashley wanted to go to Victoria Secret – knowing this wasn’t the store for me, I walked a little further and came across Pink – it’s a sister store of Victoria Secret so I thought what the heck, I’ll go in.  I saw this awesome pair of pajamas bottoms (Capris) and a top.  I thought I’d try them on. Took my usual large size and off to the dressing room.  Much to my surprise they were way too large on me .. yay me!  I ended up getting the medium pants but I wasn’t too happy with the style of the top – it wasn’t $50 nice and that was the price – it was more $14.95 nice … but that’s not how much it was … so I didn’t get it.

We got home around 3pm and I unpacked everything.  John was being all cranky and stuff so I decided I wanted some time alone – I decided to take a nice leisurely walk.  I was gone an hour, just walking around.  I didn’t do any running.  It felt great … not exercise great, just out in the fresh air great.  I promised myself I’d get out running tonight and I did.

I went out for a few groceries first because tomorrow I’m starting my cleanse and I needed some fresh produce.  Tonight for supper, I took out ribs and got some cold salads.  After I ate bbq ribs and salads, I literally felt sick to my stomach and I wanted to puke.  It felt awful!  I can’t wait to start cleansing out the crap in my body because I realized tonight that the heavy stuff I was eating wasn’t agreeing with my insides.  I never want to feel that way again.

cleanse veggies/fruit

ribs and salads

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because I was feel so sick, I thought maybe a run/walk would make me feel better.  I figured out my new watch and set my 1 minute running intervals.  I am still getting to know my watch so I only set the one 1 minute session.  For the first minute I was only able to get 45 seconds in before I stopped.  I did that twice and then headed down hill.  I thought, “I got this” … and I saw the next stop sign and was determined to run to it.  I started the timer, and off I went … I pushed and I pushed … when I looked at my watch – I had 11 seconds left … and I still had some energy to keep going … I thought “omg, I think I’m going to do this” … and I did!  I ran the whole minute.  I walked some more .. and tried it again … I did it again.

my last 1 minute interval

So, I did this 6 times for my whole outing!  I felt amazing!  Now I want to do it again tomorrow evening.  I think the song, “It’s Going to be a Good Life” playing in my ear helped me a great deal!  It is going to be a great life – healthy and feeling good.

After I returned from my walk (I no longer felt sick from supper), I hooked up the juicer and made my “lunch” tomorrow – carrots, apples, and ginger root with a dash of lemon.  For breakfast I’m going to make a fruit one – oranges, bananas, and frozen raspberries.  I packed my lunch in a thermos so it’s ready to go.

I know one thing for sure … I’m not going back to that greasy heavy food … it just isn’t worth feeling sick.  I’m honestly sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and I’m also trying very hard to make running my new “habit”.